Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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