the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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