the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
