I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You made out with two different species that night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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