I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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