I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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