Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
