They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
