Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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