Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
