guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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