a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
