I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
