It's like God shit irony all over that family
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
