Do vagina's smell?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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