Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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