I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize