The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
