Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just high enough for therapy.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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