Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize