I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
