You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i now understand why vodka
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
