I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
