apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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