whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
