He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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