I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
