And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want a musical about memes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize