One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
