the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
