someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
