I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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