Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
