Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
