This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I did not marry a roomba.
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