Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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