girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
