So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
