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Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
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