Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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