First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize