I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize