everyone is single if you try hard enough
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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