I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
