I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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