i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
