He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
