Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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