how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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