I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize