hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
