I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
