So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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