I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
