Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
