So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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