I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize