Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
