I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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