i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
