Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
