Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
