My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
