I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
