he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize