i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
