Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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