i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
