I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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