I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
