he has the hands of the vagina gods.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
