..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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