No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
