Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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