But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
