Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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