Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
even my farts smell like vagina
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
