thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
