I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
did i walk over a car last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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