In the future we'll all be gay
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
