K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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