I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
