we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
