In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
