I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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