theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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