I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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