I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
