so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
