you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
