Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
