So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
